music is my life. (: <3

Friday, January 26, 2007 1:56 AM

thisfeelssowrong.
idontfeelsafeanymore.
someonetellmewhy.
someonepleaseexplaintome.

myblogdoesntfeelprivateanymore.
ifeelexposed.
andiwannachangeallthat.

andasmybirthdaydrawscloser,
ifeelnoexcitement.
instead.
sinceidontknowwhen,
ivebeenfeelingmoreandmoredepressedasthedayspassmeby.
isthishowlifewouldbeformeinthefuture?

alifeofnodestiny.
alifewithnodirection.

andthenirealised,
itwastheshameofitthatkilledmefrominside.
thatspelledmyunworthinessalloveragain.
yetiknowicantaffordtoshareitwithanymore.

teachmehowtomoveon.
forthatsallilongfornow.
tomoveonwithoutanyregrets.
tomoveonwithoutanysenseofunworthiness.
tojustforgetandforgoeverythingihaveinmyhands.

butcanidoit?
isithumanlyachievable?

myheadjustgoesspinningonandon.
icantthinkstraightanym0re.
imgoingrightbackintomypast.
apastwhereillsitallaloneinthedark
andcryawaymyhurtsandpain.

someonetakeawaythispessimism.
idonwantit.

becauseofyou,
igaveupeverything.
sometimesiwonderwhetheritsworthitaltogether.
andimstillincomtemplation.

withallthose,
i concluded.
ieitherhatemyself.
orihatepeople.

killme.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007 11:44 PM

24th january 2007.

and i never thought i'd find something like that in belle's blog:

You know like how you’re alone in a crowd of friends.
When you say something and feel that people can never comprehend.
Like how you want to trust someone but find no one?
Someone here, but never close.
Someone close, but never here.
Im flattered that at least someone’s envious of me, likes me, loves me. But.
Like how I think i have everything but im missing something.
Like how my life’s complete but there’s a hole.

Maybe, it’s seeking perfection.
And this direction’s the limit.
I have to make a turn.

and i was totally impressed.
cause those are the words i've been searching for
to describe my emotions lately.

hm, again i do not have to work tomorrow.
hahas. still figuring my plans tomorrow.
maybe i'll just stay home and play audition the whole day.
or probably i'll make my way to mount elizabeth hospital for my already-dued appointment.

but i feel so lazy. =((

anyway. i met this pretty and nice girl at audition. xD
joleneeeee, my <3.

that's the end of my entry.
and i'll end off with a quote,
again from belle's blog:

Before things happened, I adored the way my life was. We could laugh over the silliest things. I knew I could cry and swim in my tears, act like a total idiot and we’d still be loved.

You thought I moved on.

But no,
You did.

ps. please comment on my new template. ^^

12:37 AM

and i was wondering,
if it was fate who dictates that i lost the saddest memories of my life.
the one that spells my unworthiness.
the one that tells me i'm not supposed to be here.

damn diary-x.
how can something like that happened to such a server?

nevermind.

anyway.
today was a pleasant day,
till someone had to spoil it late at night.
which i'm not at all thankful for.

off day tomorrow.
don't have anymore plans already.
i'll just audition then. (:

dated 23rd january 2007`

Sunday, January 21, 2007 8:12 PM

21st january 2007.

today was the last day of my cellgroup, e327 and e384.
we took photos, we laughed, and everything else.
all those memories, will never be forgotten.
we part into 5 separate ways.
but if God allows, we'll be back together again.
janice and irene, i leave them with loads of misses.
for they've been such an inspiration,
and a wonderful role model in my life.
to my dear leader, xuemin.
knowing you'll get back on your feet in no time,
i'm consoled.

words that would never be heard.
but comes so deeply from a heart so true.

and friends are friends forever
if the Lord's the Lord of them
and a friend will not say never
cause the welcome will not end
though it's hard to let you go
in the Father's hands we know
that a lifetime's not too long
to live as friends.

life's been so monotony,
kinda taking a toll on me.
my day in 7 days' time.
yet, i'm not really excited.

ohwells.

hm, now i'm stuck with 3 courses in my head.
communication and media management.
business.
accounting and finance.

well, something tells me i'm gonna get into business right at the end.
lol. shit, why am i screwing my own future.
darn.

ohwells.
i tell you, if i get a distinction for my chinese As.
i think i might just commit suicide. -.-'

i actually had alot to blog.
but i forgot what already.
so nevermind.
hahas.

takecares! (:

Thursday, January 18, 2007 10:35 AM

18th january 2007.

my whole family just made a din about church's building fund.
x_x gosh ..
just cause my brother kept not having sufficient money
to even survive.
-.-"
but he could have come back home to eat right?
not like his school is like half an hour away?
just across the bridge what?

geesh, whatever.

haven't been blogging these days.
barely have enough time for myself. =(
actually, don't really know what to blog about either.
hm, getting back A level chinese results soon.
got to go back to school soon.
medicine going to finish soon.
must see doctor latest by monday.
tp's open house today, tomorrow and saturday.
think i'm going on saturday.

hm. that's about it. (:

seems like there's nothing in life for me to complain about.
everything seems so perfect.
and maybe, too perfect for me.
i'm so not-used to it.
i probably ain't used to it ..
...

mummie just gave me an angbao for my birthday!
^^

feelings.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007 11:14 PM

9th january 2007.

bad dream yesterday.
woke up all tears.
not just tears man.
literally sobbing away.
bad dream!
go away!
cannot happen hor. >=[

anyway.
bought two pairs of jeans.
nicenice. =D

hm.
don't feel like blogging le.
got other things to do. =x

takecares!

ps.
stupid mummie. >=[
ask me eat durian at this hour.
so sinnnnnful please. >.<

Sunday, January 07, 2007 3:14 AM

7th january 2007.

in my heart

i can no longer hold inside

all of the love i used to hide

i'll always be

with you until the very end

in this world

there is no place i'd rather be

you are my life,

my soul, my girl

and through it all

i know you'll come to see

that you're the one

till the end

been feeling emo these days.

but don't know what to write.

there seems nothing in my life to emo about.

>=[

but that song kept repeating in my mind.

don't know what to blog.

so i just typed and sang that song out. (:

well. unearthly hour.

got to wake up for service in a couple of hours' time.

takecares people! (:

Friday, January 05, 2007 11:09 PM

5th january 2007.

my days haven't been that good.
meeting customers that are not really nice. -.-
can you believe one actually go demands for refund
for something that actually don't suit their taste in the end?
and worse still, an eight dollars item.
kao, act like some freaking highly educated _____.

ohwells.
and someone's got to learn to lift their expectations off people.

aiya, whatever.
the only nice thing i think is that
i've met very nice people from audition,
and then others through them.
which i am extremely thankful for. (:

i never thought i would change till like this.
i am ashamed.

Monday, January 01, 2007 10:13 PM

1st january 2007.

day one of the new year.
hm, nothing much happened.
in fact, i slept through almost the whole day.

hm, i remember at the start of 2006.
i was waiting eagerly for the arrival of 2007.
why?
because i wanted to write the date ending with a 7,
not a 6.
lols. i like 7`s you see.

but now, i'm not very sure.
this year spells a higher level of responsibility and discipline.
something i never really liked.

ohwells.
hahas.
2006 was a year of gains and losses.
filled with regrets and one of the saddest years of my life.
but i survive, i guess.
just different.
and 2007 will determine whether i've turned better,
or bitter.
i hope it's the former. (:

happy new year guys!
may the year ahead be a rockin' one. (:

somewhere along the way,
i lost it.